My Other Mothers

My favorite stop motion film is Coraline.  I watched this first with my oldest daughter, Sarah and I have since watched it many times since.  I don't think I realized completely why I connected so much to this movie, however in thinking about Mothers Day this year, I realized that growing up there was so much more I wanted from my mother, that she was unable to give because of her mental illness.  In the movie Coraline, Coraline's mother is first portrayed as very busy, dressed in boring colors, and not having time for Coraline...to which Coraline creates her own adventures for herself that lead her to find an Other Mother that is everything that she ever wanted.

I personally feel I did not have a complete mother growing up.  She definitely was not there for me emotionally...and couldn't be.  After my father died, I found out that she had abused me as a baby when she was very sick.  While I have come to accept that I can't blame her for what she did or hold any kind of anger in my heart about it...it still doesn't take away the pain I had to go through growing up and the uncertainty I faced.  What I went through also did not create a special bond or connection with my mother that some people I know say they have with their mothers.

I did have other mothers...and I wanted to acknowledge them in this post.  I was passed through various foster homes and even an orphanage when I was a child.  While I don't know all the names of the women that cared for me during this sensitive time, I appreciate them for caring for me when my mother could not.

My grandmother from New Jersey was important to me.  I remember staying with my grandmother and grandfather for a period of time when I could not be with my parents.  I have many fond memories of my grandmother and the kindness she showed to me.  This kindness was prevalent throughout my early years as well...and it is something I cannot forget nor desire to.

There was one day I was riding my bike down a neighborhood street and a woman had flagged me down and asked if I'd be interested in meeting her son.  That was the start of a very fun part of my life, where I not only made a best friend, but was blessed in knowing his mother who was always very kind to me and always treated me well.  Still today, I think of her as another mother I had growing up.

At an emotional level, maybe not as motherly, I found comfort in friends that were girls, teachers, or women managers at jobs that saw the best in me and gave me the encouragement that my mother could not...and for that I will always be grateful.  Still today, I have various women friends that I highly respect and I talk with sometimes that provide me emotional support that I otherwise would not have.

I also have to mention my mother's sister.  I have always appreciated what she has done in reaching out to me throughout my life.  I can honestly say that I consider her like the mother I could have had if my mother had been well.

It gives me comfort to know that even though I did not have a complete mother growing up, I was not left alone and I have been blessed by other mothers along my way as well as good women (friends or otherwise), who have been there for me when my mother could not be.  In a way...it has made me realize that the universe (God, or whatever you want to believe) wants all of us to be complete and happy...and will do what it can to provide that...even if it means inspiring others to be in our lives.

Now...in Coraline, the other mother is actually very bad, wicked, and preys upon Coraline because she wants her soul.  Thankfully, my other mothers were not like this and they never tried to make me sew buttons in my eyes so I could die  LOL.  They did though, as the other mother did for Coraline, help me have access to something beautiful that gave me joy.  With Coraline, she had a secret door that she took to get to the other mother and the wonders she had waiting for her.  For me, it was various doors that these good women let me into to share what they could to help me feel loved and special.





Pictures are from the movie Coraline.  I do not own the rights to them.

#MothersDay

#MothersDay2021

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