Better than Normalcy - Blog

4/28/2024.  My mother is about to enter hospice.  Dementia has ravaged her and its clear that she has declined to the point of 'no going back' from the disease.  As I've been preparing for her funeral, I have come across things like this that offer an unedited glimpse into her and my relationship with her growing up.  There are actually many other stories that she used to tell...but for some reason this one (where she threw water on nurses at their stand) stands out.  Dated 11/28/1998.      Mom was leaning over the nurses’ station one day, acting bipolar and manic when one of the female nurses said to her, “Harrington, you need to chill out!”   Offended at this, Mom devised a plan to ‘get even’.   She walked down the hall to her bathroom, which was near her isolation room, retrieved a blue basin which she remembered had been there, ,filled it with cold water,   marched back to the nurses station and said to the nurse, “No, YOU ...

 I went to a 30 year High School reunion yesterday.  It would have been last year if not for Covid19.  We combined with the class of 1991.  I saw many faces of people I didn't recognize...many others I did and they recognized me.  There were also looks and glances of people that pretended I wasn't there...or just passed by when I tried to say hello to them...just like in High School LOL. The one thing that came to my mind after that experience are the people that were kind to me and cared about my well-being...even if it was just asking about me generally. None of you know how tumultuous and challenging my childhood was.  I grew up with a mother that was seriously mentally disabled.  After I was born, my mother physically harmed me as a baby and I was not able to stay with my parents.  I was bounced from home to home (foster, orphanage, or otherwise).  When I was able to go back to my family, my father spent a lot of time with my mother...nec...

 I know some of you who know me and have read the posts about my mother know that the topic of my mother is a sensitive one.  I did though have someone say today that perhaps it is good to remember, in the cases where the relationship with a mother is a touchy one, the good things that your mother was able to do for you...even if she couldn't be there completely for you.  In effect, I should try to look at what my Mother could do and how perhaps she tried to show she loved me...even if it wasn't complete and whole.  This is my attempt to do that. I remember my mother making Lasagna and Spaghetti for me.  This always tasted really good.  There was something about her Lasagna especially that really made me feel good inside. My mother used to make me go on long walks with her to a store or to Burger King...and while growing up I found these walks frustrating...I realize now that it was her way to keep me close and protect me so I would not be left alone. There...

My favorite stop motion film is Coraline.  I watched this first with my oldest daughter, Sarah and I have since watched it many times since.  I don't think I realized completely why I connected so much to this movie, however in thinking about Mothers Day this year, I realized that growing up there was so much more I wanted from my mother, that she was unable to give because of her mental illness.  In the movie Coraline, Coraline's mother is first portrayed as very busy, dressed in boring colors, and not having time for Coraline...to which Coraline creates her own adventures for herself that lead her to find an Other Mother that is everything that she ever wanted. I personally feel I did not have a complete mother growing up.  She definitely was not there for me emotionally...and couldn't be.  After my father died, I found out that she had abused me as a baby when she was very sick.  While I have come to accept that I can't blame her for what she did or hold...

by Kirk Harrington Not long ago, I participated in trauma therapy.  It was called EMDR, which I have since learned stands for eye movement and desensitization processing .  Its prescribed to people who have gone through some kind of trauma.  I was a candidate because I discovered in therapy that I had gone through trauma as a child, through a bad breakup, through some loss of employment, and with some challenges in my marriage. I remember holding these small devices in my hand while one or the other vibrated as I closed my eyes and the therapist spoke.  The therapist ask me to follow memory paths of the things that had bothered me most in my past...and to let the paths flow like water without restriction.  What I found doing this is that it let these thoughts flow and brought things to the surface that had been there for years.  And that once they were brought to the surface, I could process them.  I also remember actually feeling what I felt in those ...

Trauma can be disruptive to our lives.  It can manifest itself in our fears and bring to us emotional struggles and even paralysis.  It can also be layered.  For example, in my life, I had a traumatic childhood.  Then there was a time I went through a bad breakup and was left alone and isolated.  I also went through a period with a lot of loss and challenge that happened all at once within a short period of time...I lost two close family members, lost employment, was hospitalized, had marriage difficulties and went through a divorce. In each of these experiences it was clear that the actions (or inactions) of others, and very hard events, caused traumas in my life.  I believe that trauma, when untreated, can cause our lives harm; it can cause us to be stinted, and can rob from us the enjoyment that could be gained from otherwise healthy emotional well being.  I have seen value in trauma therapy in bringing trauma to the surface...peeling back the lay...